I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
