I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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