I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I AM VODKA MAN
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
