feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
