I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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