I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just want nice things and good sex
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
