The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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