Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
