Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
