Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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