I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
