i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I want to be your penis for a week.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
