I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
