Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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