Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
