you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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