apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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