he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
