I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Come see our sink grown plant.
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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