Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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