this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
