It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
