You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
