You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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