I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
