He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
