Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
