She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize