yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
