maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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