Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
