i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
