I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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