dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
