Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
