don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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