Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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