I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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