did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
