WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
