Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
