I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
