Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
