I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
