I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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