If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
