a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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