someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
