do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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