i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
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Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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