wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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