So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
