just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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