Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
