I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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