You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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