Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
