Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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