I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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