I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
