We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
